Pouringhearts

The things i didnt say..

2012-02-15T06:16:00.004+08:00

Hey _____?

Erm I'm gonna make a silly proposal now but just bear with me.. n erm.. don't say no too quickly?.. :p

Do you have somewhere you desperately need to be at now?

Something waiting for you at home?

Well, i know you're all dressed and ready to go now but,

why don't you park that bike back where it was parked before,

n you n me go across to the pub,

and i'll buy you a drink?

the last 3 days

2011-06-24T01:36:00.003+08:00

Number one.
what kind of relationship can it be when i have to be afraid?
its no wonder i dont really trust you.. or anyone..

Number two.
please stop using me, after 3 hrs sleep and 14 against my will.
im so tired inside.. because, it hasnt been good and its exhausting when you trample over my free will..

oh god, fear vs. will, who'dve thought i could apply a marvel movie to my life.

really, its only the people you love who can hurt and disappoint you.

2011-06-20T01:16:00.000+08:00

want me a lil bit more..

"theres no gravity.."

2011-05-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

How can you ask so much from someone you respect so little..

back

2011-03-25T04:10:00.005+08:00

if you didnt hope, maybe you wouldnt want. as much.

i wish we weren't.

if we weren't,
there wouldnt be hope,
there wouldnt be want.
as much.

(but)
how empty would it be when there was no hope?

note,
i dont want to be something thats pretending to be special, but isnt really.
id rather we be honestly non-special.

id rather (???) we be none.

(but then again?)

but then again.

i guess when you cant have what you truly want,

nothing else can be good enough.

--
but i'm ok.

insomniacs hold

2011-02-28T11:05:00.003+08:00

if you must know,

i think about going. alot of times.
this being one of those times.

(will u ever let me?)

not like theres anything Here for me anyways

its not like we can talk.

its not like you let me just, find you.

n thats great, thats where we are, if we weren't here i wudnt be where i am.

so.
anyways.

maybe when you dont just keep us where we are; it messes things up.

so.

Dont look for me, because i cant give you anything. because you wont let me.
so dont look for me. because it Sucks for me, when i cant give you anything.

ARGH, END already.

2.53am

2011-02-28T10:47:00.003+08:00

to cut through all the whining :--

i found out what you keep me around for

(great timing, just as ive been questioning as well.)

..someone needs to get u to get, it doesnt make a difference if im there.

ps. wish i was allowed to whine more.
:)

you and me

2011-01-17T02:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, many times, i'm faced with the decision of picking between you and me.

Most times i'll pick you..
and i'll regret it.

Sometimes i'll pick me..
and i'll regret it.

Win-win this, isn't it?

Dont sit outside the cave door

2011-01-04T08:31:00.003+08:00

ah, its been awhile, again.

Today i learn that i am tropical weather. and green.
not just green green, but green of the grass during the night.

I dunno about the green though, but i guess i could be the still of the grass during the night.
Like dusk. I would like to be dusk.
But maybe i am a later time than dusk.

Rambles.

Tropical weather.
N if you wanna know why the outlook is overcast, its because having you in my life brings on the rain.
You are my forecast.
You are what gives them the scorching sun, and the relentless rain.
but now, mostly the rain.

Ah well.
Relented.
a moment of weakness and 'added more of you to my life'
well, well.
tumultuous.

Upsetting though..
To be like the guy in Perfume.
while you will always be, like the last girl he sought, the prized one.
hmm.
ah well well well.

i wish i may, i wish i might,
but whats the point of wishing on a star at night.

P.s. oh but dont let that make you think i am unhappy.

=)

2010-10-05T07:51:00.002+08:00

2010-08-27T12:15:00.001+08:00

if i accept this,

it just means ive lost respect for who you are..

except

2010-07-12T03:59:00.002+08:00

...

n den i realize (not for the first time, no) that what we have is not anything special at all,

so, interchangeable, so many copies of which you have with so many someone else's,

n now, so much More you have with them.

(thank God i knew i didnt want to add more of you to my life.)

Bcoz, what, we're "living separate lives".

Sure. Thats what i tell you, n you tell me.

But honestly, it wouldnt come in the way if you didnt let it.
not for me anyways.

But i do now.

As did you.

But THATS NOT THE POINT.

see, i dont WANT it anymore, because you clearly dont so Fine by me now.
why keep fighting.

Nothing special.

except the extra bits that you want.

because no one else will give it to you (now).

I'm sorry but you dont get it. Not because i say this is why we cant n you 'get' that.
that is secondary.

Firstly it is that, you want this, but i want that n you wudnt give me that.
so why in the world do you think that i should give you this then?

like some cheap .....

.

im sure it sounds bad.

but in a way it is.

i want to know that we, that i, am more,
not more than anyone else, no.
just, more than nothing. more than ..... more than what i cannot say (because i protect you, even here, atleast that much).

that i am a person.

to be respected just like all the rest, all the rest who have not given as i have given because i have given up my dignity.
(i have given up my happiness. and a more healthy choice of living)

n words were never enough.

how could words replace fact.
or replace actions.
or feelings.

how could, reducing the frequency be something i should.. be Thankful to you for when the Right frequency is zero.
not that im not thankful.
but that i should commend it? or reward it? with more?

see,
maybe it feels like you can blame me for not 'giving in' to you the occasions when you want it,
but maybe you dont get that for years, you havent had to 'give in' to me, to the part of this that i really want.
not the small, subsets of excuses. not the alternative pathways that i've built to get through this thing that is us.
my want that is vs. your want.
you'll have yours when you give me mine.
that is as fair as fair is.

separately,
sometimes i wish i could delete you from my life.
because you dont know half of the back n forth i do whenever you deign to be a part of it.

because i dont want to be hurt, n hurt in return.

.

n these are my private thoughts.

dont hold it against me if i havent shared them with you.

ty.

...
From sept 30, 2007 :

" George, what will he do? "

" You were jealous?"
" Crazy jealous."

" Except for the hot affairs we'll have twice a year."
" Except that."

" Otherwise the moment just... passes you by..."

But the thing is.. Love just isnt everything.
it isnt enough.
n sometimes, it isnt even anything at all.

no i wont be there for you

2010-06-15T07:07:00.005+08:00

Ramblings :

Hah! I Told you it was Lifehouse! Just because i dont recognise the song, how can i not recognise that sexy voice~ :)

.

// Did you know, that our songs' actually made the top 5?
cool huh.
or, twisted. hmm. //

.

Another heartbreak song. How do they liveeee with themselves???

(<-----)

.

N den we finds Everwood.

(n the boy)

both heartbreak.

just watching the video, i can Tell that this is a heartbreak show.

it annoys me.

.

Dam its a loooong time since i've felt this way.
hm.

.

Set to watch the pilot before i sleep tonight.

.

yea.

i reeaally dont think i should have (wanted you so much that ive) done that.

try.

.

Walking into heartbreak territory.

:)

(8) All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on~

no new moons for you

2010-06-07T01:00:00.003+08:00

(on one of the few times that i can realize it..)

I'm better than that, come on~ (like duh, and insert eye-rolling.. *tongue*)

I can vaguely (probably not just vaguely) remember what it used to be like, n how its better now, isnt it.

Empty, dreary, nothingness?
but thats nothing new. nothing out of the ordinary, unusual, unexpected.

Probably more dull, than bleak.

Dull is.. do-able.
Dull is not extraordinary.

Dull must be the nothingness i'd begged for from before.

Right now, im wanting control. Struggling for control, planning for it?
But we Know, control or not, outcome is the same, so can i give it up?

So there is nothing out there right now.

That has Got to be better than being able to really really feel.

Like i could before.

so

Wake up.
Smell the fresh air.

Living in nothingness is not something thats never been done before..

=)..

2010-06-02T08:46:00.002+08:00

I TEXT YOU YOU NEVER ANSWER!!!!!

*mumblemumblegrumblegrumble*

so much for "always you find me i nvr find you" phTuiiii!!!

(hah)

Also.

it is actually cheaper for me to text an international roaming text from overseas (eg. europe), than it is to text internationally from here (uk).
odd huh.

remind me to save all my international texting for when i travel! haha..

(not that u ever Reply anyways..... sonofa................)

ps. just incase there was any doubt, i was gonna say 'Gun' there, n not, y'noe, anything else. :p

2010-06-01T06:18:00.002+08:00

never fully realised how empty my list is, without you..

isn't it just a little bit sad that this is all i have?
count on the fingers of one hand.
n how many to make one?

used used used
all thats ever done.

hmm.

dont you have anything better to give me?

for someone so special...
its so suprising.. so disappointing that this is what you do..

hmm...

not yet..
but one day,
i will get it.
n den maybe so will you..

sure i know now, all will be lost then..
but theres not much that i can do about it..

--

The first step to writing a report is opening a Word doc.

n then Not falling asleep.
that would be a good one.

--

Time.

Time passes us by so quickly.

Already it is almost 9pm.
n i am hungry.
n i have barely written anything for work.

Already i am almost 24 (omG the Horror!)
n what have i done?
what have i accomplished? (failing more n more infact.. hmmm.)
what will i have for my future?

The paths we choose, take, are lead down..
our paths give us different choices, different lives..
each should have their own pros and cons, coz thats the fairness of life isn't it?

Your path, so much you have to give, and put in..
but so so very much you have gained..

n My path?
sure there are things to be gained..
but have i gained anything not temporary? not just ease or the less difficult road..
is there anything i can Take away from this?
How will i come out Better than if i had not gone down this path?
Is there anything that i will obtain here, that i wont lose in several short moments when i return?

So far, i haven't found anything.

Emptiness. Occasional disappointment.

Maybe soon? Maybe the future?
Sure..
Waste the last few years for the future.
Sure, i am hopeful for that.

I dont really believe in picking wrong.
Because all paths (that arent blatanly wrong) should have their own points to make them somewhat equal.
Life takes you down your path.
But until now, I have yet to find the rightness of mine.

...

9pm.

maybe we'll see.

blablabla

2010-05-31T07:01:00.002+08:00

"Ah.. But what if when the things that make you happy get ya down?"

well.

dont think u'll even recognise it

but i think (now) that its funny ironic (hmm) that that flashes across my mind sometimes..
oni..
maybe im so far down its not even like that anymore.

Things that arent recognised as the things that make you happy anymore.

but things that you just need to get through, maybe steal a few moments, a few smiles from.
somethings you put up with.

no, not happy.
just, wanting.

hmmm.

thats the difference of time.

dumdidi dum didum

its not the same on the other side.

im saving myself,
if you wudnt save urself, wont you want me to save me too?

2010-05-28T04:16:00.002+08:00

its hard..

when my survival instincts are warring with my only-want-to-make-you-happy instincts.

hmm.

not meant to be

2010-03-27T07:23:00.003+08:00

its a safe..

safe thing.. this hate..

everything thats stoping me

"you're not good enough, you'll never get what you really want."

sure.

sure.

if i could kill myself now i would.

in a non-worrying sense.

in a peaceful, it'll-be-quiet-now sense.

you cant just fight with just anyone.

you have to have a bond to fight.

if you have that bond, oh, such a great bond.

but u've lost the one that allows you to work it out. make up. really, get to the bottom of it.

then, well. you're fucked, you.

you get to go off n fuck yourself now. sorry for the vulgarity.

n oh look, look what you've done.

sure.

sure.

you suck in this shit world.

nothing new that isit.

this is why we ...

starry starry night

2010-03-24T04:57:00.002+08:00

When a guy says "Thats okay, some guys like that kinda girl", they are not one of those guys.

--

When i wanted to write about how, i didnt know how to act when you walked me home

because :

- i have a crush on you.

- in such a complicated, possibly indirect, not necessarily really about you kinda way.

- you have a girlfriend.

- n it is technically through her n my connections with her that i had a chance to know you.

- i cant remember. but Maybe because she was pretty possessive over you. coughcough.

But Why did you have to be an Aquarius!!

--

Also. I cant exactly Call your boyfriend to get him to sort out your mess for you, when you refused to give me his number, can i? kehkehkeh.

Dont worry. i struggle unbelievably against whatever feelings i might have for your boyfriend, in a way you can not possibly ever understand, so that I am probably the safest person around.

:p

Repetition

2010-02-25T07:48:00.002+08:00

This is what it looks like from my side..

..........................

well i guess u cant know can you.
.....

(stop it)

only moments in time

2010-01-29T04:51:00.000+08:00

yea i miss you.

n stuff too.

blablabla busybusy bla.

is wondering

2010-01-11T08:46:00.002+08:00

"In particular, the things that we tend to forget most are the things that we feel do not matter to us. The things that we tend to remember most easily are the things that are important to us - like a special birthday." - patient.co

Aha. See, i didnt make it up. Patient UK agrees as well.

Hah.

---

If i took away sex from our conversations.

What would you talk to me about?

we get this sometimes

2009-12-18T03:12:00.002+08:00

Today will forever be known as the day that i walked out of the house in one half of two Different pairs of shoes on each feet! (n got all the way to the hospital too before i realised!)

Things to be happy about today.

- My unfinished report getting an 'i'm impressed!' from my supervisor! Woot!
- Presentation that didnt get to be brilliant what with the lack of amenities! but was cool anyways. I'll enjoy all the pics i put in even if no one can. :p
- Lancaster (free ride n free food too! xmas lunch no less!) which was - Awesome~
- Snow in Preston. like. Serious snow man. (no, not enough to make a snowman though.)
- This being the day just past all the hormonal 'pre' period. *cough* (oo. Look at my most suitable use of words! Muahah!)
- The impending END to all this nonsense n OFF to DINNER n MOVIE n RELAXATION n PARIS (n LONDON!) after todayyyyyy!!!
(After i actually FINISH my report tonight though that is. Damn why didnt i actually Pay attention when she was telling me what to put in. Hm.)

Ah joy.

But.
Definitely not the THREE MARKS im short to an HONOURS GODDAMIT!

hah~

whee~
:)

a thought..

2009-12-16T06:31:00.003+08:00

Friendships or relationships, they change all the time.
they grow or they ebb,
people drift in, drift out, or drift away.

Dynamics change.
Roles reverse.

Not many things stay the same.

Sometimes, you get closer, and then drift apart, and then get closer again.
Sometimes you find yourself missing out on the others life, but you both think, 'isnt this what happens?'
Sometimes, you find yourself slowly inching out, unknowingly maybe, until one day you go, "Hey, whats happened here? What do we have left? Maybe its time to bail."
Sometimes you wake up one day and think, "God, what have we done? How did we get to this?"

So when is it time to decide?
When is it time to reevaluate your relationships?
When isit time to wake up n choose which ones to hold on to, which ones to let go.
which ones to fight for. (not that many maybe)

Or do we all sit here quietly n 'let things take their course'
because after all,
why should we be responsible for who gets to be in our lives,
n whose lives we get to be in?

deflect

2009-12-07T07:08:00.003+08:00

because i am editing the words i had thought up just a few minutes ago

what i will say is

this image of jumping off the ledge has been running through my head all weekend.

hmm indeed.

-
(maybe this is why i dont tell you, or anyone, how i feel.)

ladidadida.

wanting

2009-11-21T20:25:00.002+08:00

I wanna stop crying. :)

:) :)

~Music n passionate circumstances.

"Go"

drifting

2009-11-18T08:41:00.003+08:00

i think..

not just you,

but ive moved away from my friends as well and

its my fault i know

- circumstance

- change

its our responsibility and i mess up, i know.

we hold the keys to our lives

n i changed mine.

so, how now?

dont take it away..

2009-11-18T08:00:00.002+08:00

it saddens me that its never (ever) you ... anymore..

did you know?

.

i miss you...

?
i wish i could tell you, (n maybe i'll be stupid n i will)

but i cant.

because you never fix me anymore.

you'll be blase or you'll be distant*
without knowing you are

n you never fix me anymore

n maybe thats how you know?
(i know)

that its not you.

how can it be?

when you dont, you could but you dont.

..
oh, silly silly me.

*or you'll do what you just did

n well, really, what was i thinking.

what was i thinking?

the ways in which you could disappoint me, somehow always manages to surpass my expectations.

n i dunno whos sillier now.

=)...

2009-11-16T08:24:00.001+08:00

you know i love you

because im soooooo nice to you.

:p

always have, always will

2009-11-14T09:07:00.001+08:00

you're fucking her up.

me

2009-11-07T09:46:00.002+08:00

i would have sat across from him, i so would have, the way i like him.

(especially today. when there could have been alot of wow-ing. :p)

if it weren't for the many many things.

like how i wouldn't have known what to say.

n how jealous i would have been.

:)

No, its not a good place to be, so close to you.

---

n

i know what you're doing.

but you dont know what you're missing out on!

=).

baring it

2009-11-07T03:06:00.004+08:00

let me just say that

what ang mohs mean by you dont really have to get naked,

and what we mean by you dont really have to get naked,

is a completely different thing.

i'll tell ya that. :p

the rubber

2009-11-06T05:56:00.003+08:00

My fun pack of condoms.

My pack of Fun condoms!

My Fun pack of Fun condoms!

Yea, thats the way!

=P

Now, to play, or not to play? =Ppp

Ooo Look! Blueberry Muffins! :pp

you n me both

2009-10-30T02:27:00.003+08:00

if 'pathetic' is an adjective,

what is its noun?

patheticism?

pathetia?

pathetathy? (you know, like apathy?)

:p

anyways.
i am sure there is a simple answer
that has just whooosh past me.

*let us not pretend to be more noble than we really are.

2009-10-29T06:49:00.001+08:00

I am so f*cking attracted to you,

its not even funny.

=.="

the right guise

2009-10-23T03:13:00.002+08:00

coming from someone with shirt tuck out at the back

who sits spread out like that in front of who we set up the fronts for..

it must be quite bad.

=/...

2009-10-21T10:45:00.002+08:00

Dont get up in the middle of the night. (not even to pee)

its f-cking bad for the soul.

=(.

her sad little smile..

2009-10-16T03:45:00.004+08:00

this is me laughing sadly.. incredulously.. incredulously sadly.. (theres a word for this)

np.

thats what I say when i feel...... this way.

so, dont think i dont know.

(hah)

i try godknows i try.

more than *insert suitable continuation* you know? you deserve? you will?

oh yes i try.

so.

:)..

this is my sad little smile.. :)

"Dear God.. take over where we cant..? Amen.."

toast

2009-10-13T06:56:00.001+08:00

Today,

i had toast.

I had one toast with butter and jam.

i had one toast with butter and cheese. n den jam.

n i had one toast with nutella.

Today, I had toast. sss.

2009-10-12T03:06:00.001+08:00

They say they dont.

But the world only cares about princesses.

the world gave them everything.

2009-10-12T01:07:00.002+08:00

To bed, to bed,

oh bed...

What a long week...
n not even one has passed.

You must be stupid to be waiting.
but you're not.

You just think you are, so that can be your excuse.

But well. Oh well.

Oh well.

2009-10-09T08:05:00.002+08:00

Selfishly, selfishly, you pulled me back in.

Did you ever, Ever stop to think bout what you were doing.

n whether it benefited Anyone other than yourself.

dont lie to yourself. what good could it possibly do me.
when you started off saying "If i need you to.."

Again.

There when you need, away when you dont.

How do you Ever justify yourself to yourself.

bedding

2009-10-03T11:53:00.002+08:00

oh and..

normally the fact that im about to do something so.. 'forbidden' (tho really.. in my books not really. but i revel in the fact that it probably is in yours.)

would excite me tremendously.

(payback)

if i werent so busy 'trying' to be emo.

=/p

ps. why does it feel so wrong today? hm.

where are you

2009-10-03T11:42:00.003+08:00

where are you..

now

when its not You 'needing' Me.

i wonder.

hm.

the very day

2009-09-09T00:21:00.002+08:00

When i said "years.."

n he asked, "why not anymore?"

n i said, "its been so long."

You were gonna get back at me weren't ya.

the very day..

-

Maybe ive stopped caring if im making the same mistakes, knowing nothing will ever change, even if i 'played it right'.
Why lie to myself?
Why deny who i am n hide how i feel?

good morning august

2009-08-01T01:59:00.004+08:00

its not about talking

its about being.

its not about what i want.
(i know what i want)
what do You want?

what i hear, is probably not what you mean
(n vice versa)
but thats the way it is.
it unfolds. always.
n we end up where we always are.
stuck right there.

why its so quiet in here
is because
we could fight the same fight
over n over
but where would that take us?
a rhetorical question thats rhetorical

n u hate me enough already so
whatsthepoint.

You can Ask me, at the peak of all your cycles..
but really, how much should i try?

so, yes, im fine, and good morning august.

2009-07-23T08:41:00.001+08:00

we were better in my dreams.
happier.

and then you wake up.

beautiful

2009-06-08T08:16:00.002+08:00

She was a bunch of laughs really

cracking a load of odd, random jokes..

infectious maybe.

He later said that it was how she dealt with her life, her condition n its probs, her depression.

but there was the point,

she turned to him after trying one of her jokes..

n said, You're not sweating, are you?

she looked at me incredulously, as if for laughs,

n then more pointedly, Are you sweating??

n he fumbled..

with a quick rub over his forehead..

No.. me? its just a.. i just have shiny skin..

No babe. you dont have shiny skin.

She didnt mean it literally, t'was her closing of one of her funny jokes..

You dont have shiny skin babe.

You're beautiful.

My heart breaks everytime i think of you.

not in a sad pity kinda way..

in an I love you kinda way.

if only your name wasnt.

n how beautiful it is..

You've been doing beautifully all this while..

dont let anyone ever let you feel like you're not. not for a second.

the way you do it, hold yourself,

its the most amazing of all.

bells of

2009-05-10T08:26:00.004+08:00

I guess ive had it wrong all along

"Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you dont deserve what you want."

it says nothing about not being able to have what you want
bout being good enough..

Have, want, and deserve.

they are all different,

overlap maybe, but still separate entities.

Its not that i dont deserve what i want.

but just because you deserve something, doesnt mean you will have it.

i guess we all deserve a load of things in our lives.

some we'll get, n some we wont.

not because we dont Deserve them..
but just cause.
you wont have everything.
things wud just get complicated.

n some things are better than others.

n maybe those are the things we will have.

So, was it you who told it to me wrong?

or was it me, who was blind all along.. n saw it the wrong way.

coz in the end, it is only i who can let or not let anyone make me feel any way.

so, its not that i Dont deserve what i want.

i just deserve better.

n i shud never have let anyone let me feel otherwise.

=).

you do too.

isit only me?

2009-04-22T08:58:00.002+08:00

Er..

I did not sign up for this?

Im an inertia kinda girl remember?
inertia?

i dont do sudden.

not the first time.

Maybe im just a pessimistic b*tch.
wait i thought i was optimistic.

No. im the devils advocate.

When you're down, im your optimist and your cheerleader (so gay)

but when you're up, den im just the scare-dy cat bitch
forever afraid to thread.

hmm.

Trivializing all it was.

but i guess its your right.

btw, didnt you know?

Im a terrible liar.

.

2009-04-21T08:05:00.002+08:00

F*cking bastard Malaysians! (who are in Malaysia!!)

Stop f*cking Food-blogging!!!

You're driving me inSane already!

You bloody Live there just Eat in peace n Leave me Alone!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Miss home miss food.

supposed to be studying. :((

--
p.s. some people are so f*cking lucky but they dont even know it.

post hoc

2009-04-18T03:38:00.004+08:00

The brain cells said : "Yes! We managed to order the expulsion of the alcohol. We think it was a success. We think we got most of it. It wont get (inside) us now!"

And the stomach says : "Urghhh groan groan burnnnn..."

Brain cells to body : "Stay down lads, stay down!" (ala Eddie Izzard)

..

n the brain cells say : "OooOoo.. a lil whoopeedooda here... *sway sway* maybe a lil remnant effect afteralll.... *slurr*"

n the stomach says : "Fooooooodddd! NO no! No food... sickkkkkk..."

n the brain cells say : "No! Give stomach Food! We need food! We need food! *brain cells holding signs walking around chanting*"

..

after food :

Brain cells and stomach : "Ahhhhhhhh..."

Another pointless post brought to you by...

14 days

2009-04-15T01:39:00.004+08:00

it is very hard to decide between

what is good for you but makes you confused and upset and longing

and what is bad for you but makes you happy, if only for a while.

The choice should really be obvious

if you know whats good for you.

but you want it so bad
that you're willing to risk it, even if you've made the same mistake over and over
and over

and you're not sure how right you are in analyzing it that way

how fair you're being n

whats the right thing to do?

Whos happiness matters?
matters more
Or whos happiness has been sacrificed all the while

How important you are,
how much can you really do,
is it really for them, or really, for you.

So,
Whats the right thing to do?
Should you sacrifice whats good for you for that something that you want, for, possibly, that someone else as well
or do you hold back n do what might be right, right for you, n maybe, maybe (you'll realise) they dont need you after all.

relativity

2009-04-14T06:20:00.003+08:00

3am.
the mildest time of the day or night.
probably because everyone sane is asleep.

everyone but people like me.
(and that will be .... ?)

theres alot to be said about trust.
n what it has to do with comfort
proximity
ease
mood..

theres alot to be said about trust.
n how it can make you feel.

after the first time
everything just went downhill.

we were having a chat about Einstein n his theory of relativity today.

its only just Monday today

hows that for relativity.

this.

the story of my life.

maybe i should have had it figured out by now.
the number of times its happened

maybe it is really me thats the prob.

i should know better.

so, how do you change how you feel?

is it right that things seems these way
or was i supposed to be better?

am i being my usual me, instead of the unselfish person that one should be
or does it all make sense
or, have i done enough already.

which ways the act?

trying to figure out what kinda person to be
n what things to feel.

sounds

2009-04-13T01:15:00.002+08:00

That tone is fast becoming one of the most annoying sounds ive heard in my life.

It used to be another.

I wonder
what if i played the two next to each other just to see which one bugs me more.

two completely different people..
you wouldnt think there was a competition.

but u never know.
its annoying me now.

what am i doing?

Backup plan

2009-04-12T08:17:00.003+08:00

if im honest with you, its because i trust you.

if i didnt trust you, i wouldnt be honest with you.

if i tell you something, but not everything,
i trust you, but not too much,

maybe im not sure how much.

So which way do you want it?

How well do you know me?

How well do you need to know me before you can tell.
or can read whats going on
or even just
sense.

I refuse to listen to the left overs
or process for you

it is not a privilege,
its disrespectful.

How much do I trust you?
..

(p.s. - hate that hanging around people makes me feel inadequate.)

Earth Hour

2009-03-29T04:48:00.001+08:00

temp

very emo~!

and check this out

so cool~
haha..

ok now i gtg, n turn off this page as well coz ppl are here.. in the dark.. n because i Made dem, now ive to provide entertainment, with My laptop.
haha~

2009-03-09T04:48:00.003+08:00

maybe i know just how to hurt you

maybe thats why i hate myself

when i inadvertently do

maybe no more

maybe its lock-away

maybe all my claims of doing it for you...

n this is one more thing to do..

-

n that dark place...

thats where i'll be.

(who cares anymore)

2009-03-09T04:43:00.001+08:00

maybe tis why i rather be alone

maybe when you turn off your need for anyone..

it doesnt matter so much when you have no one to turn to.

mistake

2009-03-09T03:30:00.000+08:00

nobody else was a mistake.

nobody else,

but me.

Introducing...

2009-01-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

Allyssa has met

the Most beautiful thing in the world~!

Behold!

maybe this would be a good time to, you know..
follow those ppl who name their phones.

Haha.

So, what do you think?
Any suggestions?
Look like a.. James? no..
Jordan? no...
William??? hahahaaa <--inside joke

Man!
Ive had it for 7 hrs now n Still i havent opened it!
Thats bcoz i spent the first few hours taking photos and admiring it..
Staring n staring..
Jus cant take my eyes off of you babe~!
Hahaa..

But after that i just got distracted by other stuff la.

Was a whole load of drama getting this phone, mind you.
But then again, my life has been wrought with So~ much drama in the last few days, you wouldn't believe.
Haha.
N ive managed to keep a good head through it all so..

I'm doing good..

Maybe u'll hear about it all some day.

Now its time to study!
(Damm its 3pm! Wtfoof! Didn mean for distractions to go so far..)

But wait!
First to uncover..
wait.. what name did we decide on?
=p

2009-01-16T10:11:00.003+08:00

Sorry Edward, I love you, but Dr. Cullen is So. Hot!

*i swear its the dr's coat*
(omg)

oh... my... Gawwd!

Why is it so easy to steal my heart?

-

caring for someone more than they care for you in return
is a very tiring thing..

I think i'm like Edward.

its not easy being around you..
that, i can safely say.

you keep getting caught off-guard..
n then you struggle with what to feel,
what to think.

i did a 'noble' thing today.
i avoided the obstacle.
i looked away eventho it hurt.
because its not meant for me.

i am getting better at it
(its about time)

but sometimes its alright,
n sometimes it isnt.

but that means, sometimes it is, isnt it.

maybe i can do it?

maybe im doing it for me,
and for you.

*would you believe how much i never stopped.

*kiss..*

2008-12-16T09:43:00.001+08:00

Question :

Do you ever wonder if you're good enough?

Question :

Do you ever have to worry that you aren't?

Or are you like me.
Constantly wishing you were.

Wondering if you're ever gonna be.

two of us

2008-12-13T19:39:00.003+08:00

Still hard to say goodbye.

still.

So you're right n im a sucker.

what difference is that gonna make?

as if anyones gonna be like me.
(havent found another)

as if you are.

why?

n if you do.
boy is that gonna kill.

who?

(Argh, i lost both phones! Goddammit!!)

some people have such rich lives.
some people are losers.

am so tired this being a part of yours.

"outside looking in"

its always been a case of 'what i can never have'
with the people i've loved.

im tired.
of dealing, of pretending.
of basically putting you above.

i dont want to be above.

i just dont want there to be two of us.

'You really wanna know Why its back to nought?
Its you being selfish. Thats why.
When have you ever let it be for me, n not you?
If you're about you, then its always gonna be about you.

Because i'm always, all about you.'

*cue Aaron Carter : 'Im all about you~~'*

"This is exactly why i broke up with you. So i wont have to deal with all of your crap. But now its still like being your boyfriend. Without the sex!"

"But you do get the sex."

natural air-conditioning.
so nice to sleep.

Have you ever tried exercising in the shower?
all the extra endorphins!

Hah. thats a joke just incase you didnt notice.

Man are showers therapeutic and awesome.
(as you can see, if you're astute enough)
i could stay in them forever.
i wonder why i dont do more of those.

Off now, looking awesome.
My boots my boots! I have new boots!
N my sweater that i love. eventho no one else seems to think so.. +_+"
i wonder why~

Out xmas shopping.
S'too bad it goes dark at 4.

Now, bugger off if you're gonna be all high n mighty.

2008-12-13T03:07:00.003+08:00

Oh no, you've gone and made me sad now.

with your unhealthy shows.
(=p)

Fck, if life is so fcking perfect.

"coz we're awesome"

I'd talk to you, if it'd make a damn difference.

what about studying?

How long Can you love someone?

I'm done. Oh i wish i was.

let

2008-12-08T21:15:00.007+08:00

"Hemorrhage (In My Hands)"

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Memories are just where you laid them

What did you expect to find?

Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,

Don't fall away and leave me to myself

Am I the only place that you've left to go?

And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands

And I watched as you turned away
You don't remember, but I do
You never even tried

"I ran out of love for you"

n sometimes you dont.

we count time.

so,
there has to be something, i know that.
there is something, we know that.

but more than that i'll never know.

i think the wrong girls get all the guys.

He asked, what are the sacrifices that women do for men.

This is what i do for you.

Yes, maybe we do rule the world.
but we'd give it up for you in a heartbeat.

just as quickly as you let us go.

blower

2008-12-06T00:40:00.004+08:00

cant cry anymore.

sometimes, it all wells up inside.

but its been awhile.

n sometimes you just cant cry anymore.

the worse part is wanting to.

-

maybe you do it without thinking.

coz you dont see, that for me its so much more.

cant take my eyes off you.

wish you wanted me too.

give it up too easy.
i think we both knew that.

迁就

2008-12-01T23:56:00.003+08:00

Yea, im alive.

like you ever really cared.

I know you hate that part of me.

so what do i do?

always keep you happy?

always always.
?

" 你已经远远离开, 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你 "

the game

2008-11-24T02:33:00.003+08:00

i dont know how to play this game with you..

dont know how to play the game, the game for you.

im lost.
all over again.

its sad inside.

cant live a life.
cant live A life
without you
now

when i could.

again.

everything in my life is put on hold
until i see you again
starts with you
ends with you
when thats too much even for me to say.

do i tell you?
do i not?
do i try harder?
do i not?

its so different.
i know it is.

i know.

what do i do different?
how do i learn?
when to give and when to take
when to push and when to wait.

so much better when i could start over
with something new..
but now im stuck here with you.

i dont know how to play this game.
this game for you.

swing swing

2008-11-20T04:17:00.002+08:00

I f*cking miss you.

haih.

*washes mouth with soap*

How do you(i) say 'no' when you're all i can think of.

n who to make me better.

mess

2008-10-31T04:19:00.002+08:00

If I called you,

would you listen and not speak?

*counts the days..*
maybe its about the right time to feel..

Friendless,
and abandoned,
and longing for more.

and 2.0a and 2.0b have lost their novelty.

i wanted to dress up in black, and white hair, and blood today.

my rooms in some kinda mess.

But atleast theres a party tomorrow.
where 1.0 will be.

-
she was right.
you need to trust someone enough, to tell them.

n i dont.
dont trust anyone enough.

n so i eat chocolate digestive biscuits.

Someone to love

2008-10-25T09:12:00.003+08:00

Things to be happy about :

- Swapping crappy mattress for nice full one.. with my new yellow bedsheet on it!

- Finding crushes in unexpected places, and Finally getting the opportunity to talk to them.

- Hot french guys. (who know how to pronounce my name (in their hot french accents!!))

- More awesomely hot guys!

- Strolling in the middle of the night, with people, and preferably nice music.

- Finding the same stars in the sky.

- Awesome, Awesome download speeds! (n finding long lost shows ive Always, Always wanted to watchhhhh!)

- catching up thats been long overdue.

- Things that right themselves in the end.

- n possibly, possibly, buying pretty little things for people, to make them happy. (tho how im gonna do that when everything closes at 5 i dunno.)

:)

2008-10-18T04:33:00.002+08:00

WHY DO YOU NOT GIVE A DAMN!?!

(do you enjoy it when i hurt)

500th post (but probably including drafts)

8th of the 10th 86

2008-10-08T08:04:00.005+08:00

(was blogging, den switched mood n tack half way)

One hour chats with your brother.
about your nephew and how he still remembers both of you. (despite distance in miles n time)

"ningleninglepauuu~!"

And pre-midnight phone calls (despite old-ing on one end, and classes on the other) to remind you how old you really are.

(that was all)

Might be a day with a nicer date than others.

but the same old rules still apply.

:)..

N yet i'll still keep my hopes up for 1.0 tmr. whee.

i'llmissyou

P.S. Man, I feel old.

i want you.

, that wasnt you

2008-10-01T10:34:00.003+08:00

I Know you are doing things that i would have wanted you to.
asked for you to.
inside.

just that you dont.

you wont.
(not for me)

(youre doing it right now, but you wont for me)

But i dont want you to.
I dont want you.

I have prettier things to love.

Do whatever, as much as itd make you feel good bout yourself.

i'll give you back what you give.

because if you dont fight because you dont care.
i wont fight because i wont care anymore.

you're happy.
i'm happy.
(not because)

it's good that way.

there are better things in life to miss.

dont tell me you fall asleep crying.

no one heard me.
n you dont get my ear, without being mine.

-

Sometimes when he (semi) flirts with me,
i (semi) flirt with him too.
(Altho oddly enough, for two people who flirt so easily, we dont do it with each other.)

But most of the time, i just want him further away.

Sometimes i wanna love him.
because hes just like you.

But hes different, n im glad hes different from you.
He doesnt want to 'love' me, like you would. (if i was someone new)

But im glad its that way.
Im glad he doesnt want me too. (n that hes not that beautiful)
Hot. But not that kinda beautiful.

I couldnt stand another you.

Selamat Raya

2008-10-01T07:09:00.003+08:00

Happy Eid.

Days over today.

i was thinking id missed the one in Malaysia by now, seeing as how we're 7 hours behind.
But that was because i forgot, over here we started fasting month one day earlier.
So eid would be a day earlier as well.

We made Raya dinner. :)

(it was pretty excellent)

Very Malaysian n pedas! :p

(and you were pretty excellent as well.)
=P

*psssssssssssssssssssss.
=PPP

I did forget it was Eid.
Not that the day was it.
Jus the name.

Coz obviously it isnt 'Raya' over here.

But. All right now. ('alrite~')

No raya cookies, no duit raya.
No open house, no endless kenduris.
No rendang.

coz no one knows how to make.
cept maybe Min. whos birthday i forgot.
(no la, not forgot la! I didnt knowww! Sorry laa~ :p U got chance to call it even la ya. :p)

Nasi lemak we had though.
haha.

n lots n lots n lots of chilli paste, curry paste, tumeric n all other Malaysian spices were used.
:p

Anyways.

Happy Eid.

We had a good one over here today.

Next week better be a great one as well. :p

(!!! no expectations, no disappointment.. no expectations, no disappointment...)

(imissyou)

drunken writing

2008-09-27T08:56:00.002+08:00

A lil vodka

n i wanna make out.

i miss wills.

i miss you.

jus like you. oni different bcoz he doesnt 'care' about me.
not that you do.

Asked all i cud rmmbr bout Chorley d.
Gotta think up a new excuse now. dammit.

i want you~

Falling asleep in the toilet.
means its time to go.

Back

2008-09-25T10:07:00.003+08:00

Online!

N to complaining about the same old things again!

Heads up!

(it is ok if you dont understand. ure not supposed to.)

NME (nutrition, metabolism, excretion) - Bad
Preston - Good! (as opposed to Blackburn)

Surgery - EXcellent!
but wait, CHORLEY!!?? - WtF?! (that means bad, (compared to Preston.))

Ah well.
Be grateful with what you have.

I am mightily pleased with the surgery bit.
(wait, they Dont expect us to Know anything Do they!? wtf! I am Not prepared for this!)

I can manage the Chorley bit.
(After all, 1.0 had to do the same. There! Right there, thats the excuse my dear. ;) ;) )
(They send all the Asians to Chorley WTF! 4 Asians in the NME group n All of em are kicked to Chorley! Racist *********** (thats not a word, dont bother counting :p)! I feel victimised!)
(N This after me telling Everyone at Chorley that this is my only week there n that im heading back to Prestonnnn!!)

Anyways.

Time to go its 3am n ive heaps to do!

Quiz time.

What do you do when you have Lot of work to do but you're too lazy to do it?

Set up your internet.
Set up your wireless.
Skype for 2 hours.
Chat away happily (not really).
Shower.
Eat cookies.
Try to dicepher your Really confusing timetable till its 3am
den Blog about how you have So much work to do but No time to do it bcoz its 3(.25)am and you need to sleep!

=p

Its 3.25am and i need to sleep.
I have So much work, 4 times (haha) the normal PBL (we've talked about this) to do and due on Friday n i have not touched a bit.
Whee.

:)

Obviously this having net thing is getting to my head abit.
just the tad.
:p

Off to dream of spending my next 4 months sleeping away on the shuttle to Chorls.
pfft.
Ta den!

-
i do not need you.

Oo, atleast Chorley has the Hot ST1 (i have No idea whats that) i have to present a history to tmr. (today)
Havent completed the hx tho. Dam.
Off to talk to old women in the mens ward tmr!
Have enough of the feeling stupid in Hot ST1s presence!

What visual defect do you get with pituitary tumours?!?

*&@^#* @@@@ Ask me 9 months ago n id tell you! Not now!

Bloody bitemporal hemianopia.

i have a dream

2008-09-07T13:39:00.003+08:00

long emails

long chats

long nights

hungry

iii miss youu

ive got a plan.
:p

this wasnt supposed to be my post for today but its almost 7am
n i forget.
:p

i know (now) not to dream dreams that dont come true.
:p
(shudup i dont mean any of it)

expectations.

i miss you. :).

"The night is darkest just before the dawn"

2008-09-04T08:19:00.003+08:00

feels stupid bout today.

does not help that

I miss you!

n the dam piano.

dam the piano.

the night is here.
n dawn is coming.

but with it, unfortunately,

no news on 1.0.

:p

*Allyssa is practicing self control

(no, not really)

piano

2008-09-03T09:02:00.003+08:00

Selamat berpuasa.

over here it starts(ed) one day early.

n lasts from 4am - 8pm.

so much for 'would you still want me tomorrow'

but theres 1.0.

n yes, 'i think hes amazing'.

dam the piano.

first words from Preston

2008-08-28T04:11:00.004+08:00

Change of location.

Preston, Lancashire, United Kingdom.

I apologize for not saying Gd bye before i left. (=_=)
it was all most rush. *cough cough* (yea, 9 month long rush) :p

Have not slept in 3 days. I would count for you but finally (now that there are no in-flight movies to distract me!) feeling the effects of the lack of sleep!

My day today, 27th Aug, has lasted 28 hours.
And its only 9pm! (local time) :p

Shall (try to) update all soon.

Many bad news to tell. :p

Take care all.

*succumbs to calls of sleep

2008-08-26T03:22:00.004+08:00

You're a FUCKING LUCKY Bastard.

appreciate it
................

oh f*ck... why isit like this..

Jo

2008-08-23T23:07:00.002+08:00

It's hard to say goodbye

when its not yet your last second.

my niece today.

the boy tomorrow.

Not gonna say what i had to say,

except,

how do you say good bye
when you know you're gonna spend the next two or three days
within minutes of each other

but wont be seeing each other.

Anyways.

you're my last second.

you're my home.

how am i supposed to get over you?

Sometimes i dont do it, because i am hoping you will.

the countdown game

2008-08-17T05:10:00.002+08:00

Being forced to leave the city!
*cough*

wahaha.. sounds so dramatic.

but yes. is true.

fortunately, should be back by thurs, or weds if im lucky.

after all, it Is my last week in the city n i had alot of plans!
(or even if not.. wud atleast like to Be here so when i remember all the things i Shud be doing.. atleast i can do em.. :p)

oh, lots of things to buy, lots of people to see..
lots of Food to eat! yes!

But ah well.
making the best of it.
Will do my best to enjoy food over der! (in the land famous for its food. except i dont like it very much. the place that is. :p)
But ah.. atleast i can have my fill of CharKuehTeow! (With Ducks egg!!!) n KuehTeowT'ng!
Mwahahahaha! stuff that i mostly only enjoy over there!
Ho ho!

n maybe. if im really really lucky.
use up my free time to go Buy the stuff that i actually do need!
=p

i think my biggest problem is shoes. :p
never had much affinity towards them.
(cept my gorgeous Victory Zoom, which ive come to terms that its probably not practicle.. sniff..)

ladida.

Been trial packing my things.
bcoz somebody thinks that my bag is too small.
hmpfff..

i think i cud squeeze pretty much most of the things i can bring inside..
shud be hampered only by weight...

but well. i guess i wudnt mind a bigger bag.
its the comfort/assurance that we Cud fit all my things inside, If the weight restriction allowed it. haha.
we found another decent one.
but somebody else was concern with the brand.
haha.

oh well. up to the powers that be to decide.
im fine with anything you leave me with.

ladidaaa

so many things! so little weight!
=p
more things to buy more things to buy~~

im sure by the last few days i wud have come up with even more! hah!

why is moving such a hassle anyways? =P
(n also, if only other ppl cud be aLot less naggy. naggynaggy. :p)

will be panicking about not having everything with me soon enough. :)

in the mean time.

off trying to do my best to think of all the necessities!
(n the cheapest way to get em!)

shall catch ya all in a few days time den!
lalala

Another completely useless post brought to you by
-Me.

just more

2008-08-14T01:16:00.002+08:00

='(....

its not about understanding...

but about trying..

doing.

wanting.

...
Its alright..

it'll be alright.

---

It's starting..

whats starting?

a life without you...

....

拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见..

never wanted to leave you..

fools in love

2008-08-11T06:07:00.002+08:00

haha.. i was announcing at several places that i was going to watch the Dark Knight 2nd time around, at 11.30pm too! (time is important coz its not always i get to watch midnight shows ok! =p)

except..
False alarm!
due to several technicalities.. (haha)
watched the Mummy instead.

hehehe..
(forgot that maybe i was supposed to save that for somebody.. hehe.. but nvm.. :p)

Hollywood thinks its ok to make shows where the characters try to speak chinese.. and it all sounds really comedy-funny when you cant speak chinese yourself..
but they seem to forget (or more likely not care) that Chinese ppl actually watch the show!
n It all becomes really lame n totally blows the movie la ok.. haha..
Especially when the chinese ppl in the show themselves cant speak chinese!

i mean.. its not their fault, n not that i judge chinese ppl who cant speak chinese!
But here is like, Michelle Yeo, who has to speak chinese in the show, n i guess bcoz maybe she sounds to all the orang puteh (white ppl) like she actually knows what shes sayin, but to us, its all lame n you can Totally tell that she cant speak!

haha.. ok ok.. maybe that was too mean..
but really it was dam hilarious n lame la...

haha.. not that the show was bad!
haha no no.. it was pretty good..
(marred by the absense of someone to insult the movie with tho.. hehe..)
haha..

just not all the chinese speaking parts.. haha.. :p

Anyways, Dark Knight shud be soon. =P
or as my Dad calls it, the Black Knight/Night. haha.. (See elly, I Thot i was exaggerating bout the whole White knight black knight thing! but i really wasnt! hahaa..)
shud. :p

-
feeling melancholic, and sentimental..
hmm...

but going to bed now anyways..

is evil as well but oh well..
whos on the losing end anyways?

some people are lucky but dont know how to appreciate it.
n maybe some ppl shud by now realise.. maybe i wasnt the mean one after all.
i was right bout it all.

n we are all fools in love.

that includes you as well.

Just tonight

2008-08-10T02:00:00.004+08:00

Tonight,
i found out that someone has been seeing someone. for 3 yrs now, n we're only just finding out.
tsk tsk.

Tonight,
a friend, who as recently as a day or so ago (or thats when he decided to announce it to the world atleast) got into a relationship, just told me more about his girl.
n this guy, hardly a month or two ago, was talking to me bout how he has commitment issues n what not. hah that! =p

Sigh..
Tonight,
i spoke to like.. some 9 people..
which must be some kinda record for me..
some for a couple minutes, some for much much more...
people i speak to everyday, people ive had less chance to talk to, people i havent spoken to in months, people who have been ignoring me till now...

found so many..

yet lost someone tonight...

I did stupid things tonight.
probably because i was already emo.

F***ing emo now n not necessarily bcoz of stupid things.
but just cause.

you just dont get it.

some are forever.

Dont lie to yourself, dont lie to others.
If its your choice, be a man n admit it.

thats what you never did on this end..
n what you must do to fix it.

If you want something, it takes effort.
n that aside.
Good things, take effort.

Oh God, please...

Im really tired.
n i dont want to do it.

i dont deserve this havin to deal with half-heartedness anymore.

its really very simple.

Do it, or dont. n a 100%.

leave me be so i dont have to settle.

.
I need God, i need fate, i need the World..

i need to know what my future holds for me.
or atleast, if its gonna be ok?

i need to know what is there for me out there.

Im not sure i want in on this life.

.
Baby, where are you?

-

Brian counting.wav

Heres a link of my boy counting. =P

只让我们相恋，这一季的秋天。。

2008-08-08T17:19:00.003+08:00

I conduct imaginary arguments in my head.

hmmmmmm.

should i be worried?

-----

不能說的秘密 (Secret) - 周杰倫 (Jay Chou)

"今天是12月25日，我还是忘不了你。。" (8月9日，还有7天...)

Got conned into watching chinese music last night. =(

Beautifully emo song.

最美的不是下雨天，是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐。。

The first time i heard it i emo-ed.
n den i had to explain to a friend that it wasnt an emo-ing bcoz of myself or anything.. but merely bcoz the song is so freaking beautiful, n sad, n emo.
Eventho the more i watched it, the more i cud find lines to relate to.

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远。。

But essentially, it was just the music.
especially when the band comes in..

想象你在身边，在完全失去之前。。 (还有17天...)

Then i just played it over n over so many times last night.
You wont believe the number of times i was swearing at stupid Jay Chou (whom i still refuse to like on principle. but doesnt mean i cant appreciate his music. ahem. :p)

或许命运的签，只让我们遇见。。
只让我们相恋，这一季的秋天。。

-

分手快樂 - 梁靜茹

"我和他可能真的分手了。。" (might be some 3 years late.. but still seems kinda familiar..)

i didnt get it at first.. why there were two girls.

i'd thought it was from one party to the other.

N den i watched from the begining n paid attention.. den i got that it was from a friend to another who was in the situation. (a break up)

我无法帮你预言，委屈求全有没有用。。

less cool that way. :p
but still pretty all the same..

-

彩虹 (Rainbow) - 周杰倫

I know its too many vids.. n i didnt plan to put so many..

But this video was so freaking incredibly sad...

I didnt get it the first time n i was like... What?!! Whyyy?!!!

So i re-watched it... n den.. well..
you'll see la..
when you watch the second time..

But i must say.
Chinese shows/dramas/videos always like to do this whole sacrifice/dying theme.
But freak it if Any guy thinks thats the 'noble' or right thing to do or whatever he is Stupid n Messed up in the head n i will Kick him in the nuts ok.

But ah, nvm that la.

After i watched the video i was all like..
Arghh Stupid Jay Chou I hate Jay Chou Arghhh WHY THE HELL Wud Anyone Make videos like that SO SAD Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Haha..

Oh well.

---

Also listening to, (not that ure supposed to watch these, but just to tell you what im listening to..)

Taiyou Wa Yoru Mo Kagayaku from Hunter X Hunter,
Shinjitsu No Uta from Inuyasha

The Zoom Victory+ aka dont buy me with money, if ure a temporary thing

2008-08-05T05:21:00.009+08:00

Its not my fault i went to the land of no internet, and when i came back to the land of internet, there was no internet.
:p

it feels kinda surprising to me that my last post of any sorta substance was about being about to meet important people.
bcoz so so much has happened since.
important, eventful, material things. :p

Yes, i did meet 'important' people.
n yes, i did indeed learn important things! :p
One of em, very important, being that i am going to be homeless for quite a while. =p

I learned that 12 divide by 4 sometimes equals 7. :p

i learned that if all goes well i wont have to stash 3 months living expenses in pounds, in cash or travellers cheques, on my person or luggage, after all. :p
will be testing this proposal on wednesday.

n today, i found out more about the 365 day plan thing (phone). but i still might have to debate on that out loud once first.

N ive Done important things too.
even with the half a week of absence (in which i contributed to the hole in the ozone! burned down an entire tree! honestly, the whole big tree, taller than me (not that thats hard to do), reduced to mere ashes! haha.. not proud.. not. :p) i still managed to finally, complete and submit my visa application.
which is up for collection, something else useful i'll be doing tomorrow (or today actually.. in like.. 4 hours..)
altho, i must say i should probably hold off on the bragging...
n wait till i actually have the approved thing in my hand before i say anything..
god knows how unlucky presumptious talks are. :)

also!
among the useful things i did!
shopping spreeeeee!

Today i spent 364 bucks.
but on 14 items!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and all in one shop haha.
not to mention the 166 bucks i spent on 8 things in the same shop last week!
haha..

lingerie~~

La Senza sales rock.
i have excellent looking underwear now. =P (with monkeys on them! Monkeys!!!)
not to mention the 3 sets of pyjamas i got for 50 each. discounted from 139 ok! f*ckin excellent! =P oh and with Penguins n Reindeers! (Haha! Reindeers elly! Xmas collection! Wheeee~~~)
and also, in yellow. *beams*
oh man, the shade of yellow....... *hyperventilates*

:p

yes, i emo-ed yesterday becoz nothing was being done.
yes, i am happiest (now) when things are. :p
like today (lets pretend today is (still) Monday), when i went n shopped, ie. looked for things i need (altho didnt get. yet. :p), n bought a whole bunch of things i wasnt necessarily lookin for.. but could do With anyways. =P
and tmr (again, the pretending that tmr is Tuesday) when i shall be collecting my supposedly ready visa. in a couple hours actually. Dammit i shud be asleep. (altho, im not sure how happy im gonna be After collecting the visa when i'll probably have to go with dad to work. hmmmm.)
n Wednesday (saves the trouble of the dam parentheses. wait.. whats this again?), when i shall be heading to the bank, and then to the doctors.

oh joy joy plentiful things to do.
=P

Aight. been at this for hours, mostly spent lying back n thinking what to say n how to phrase it. :p
Time better spent asleep.
couple hours left for me.

Last note tho..
Have fallen in love with a gorgeous pair of shoes! (nikes elly, nikes. :p)
Nike Zoom Victory+ Womens. Black.
Black ok, black.
f*cking gorgeous. *sighs*

Didnt think it was that incredible when i first saw it online,
was into this, the Nike Shox Experience+ Womens atfirst. :p
but then, tried on the zoom victory earlier today an omg..
Its Black!!!
it looks friking amazing la.
i think.
and anyways the Shox Experience doesnt come in the right colour. the grey with yellow one.
apparently Nike oni assigns certain colours to certain countries, and Malaysia got the red one. -_-" which is pretty yuck.
so no Shox experience for me. :p
cant even try it on to compare..
but hey, who needs it. (eventho the online pic still looks pretty awesome to me.. hmmm.. dammit! why does the shox look so good online! possibly even better than the zoom! hmmm!)

The Zoom victory was so awesome, every other shoe i tried just paled in comparison.
sniff.
cant. take. it.
:p

but havin internal struggle on it. :p
new model. full price.
Nike factory in Manchester!
haha..
n also the whole, cloth material issue. :)
summer shoes.
but it rains in the summer too. =P

oooooh crap i just realised.
are my feet gonna freeze in the winter in those shoes?

goddammit!
=p

P.S. its hard to be a rational voice to others on spending, when you're drooling after a 400 dollar pair of shoes. =p

absentee vote

2008-07-27T12:17:00.002+08:00

Heres a note
just to say

that me shall be gone for half a week.

shall not see u or be here how sad.

oh look.
they be calling
the peeps..

:p

Heres just a note
so that there will be more than one
from this week.
:)

2008-07-22T05:52:00.002+08:00

=)

/

=(

---
leaves for a really confused child. =/

.

Tmr i go to meet 'important' ppl!

Most excited!

(tho as always, all this happiness/excitement, is only makin me wary that Bad things are about to happen. :p)

but anewhees.

Tmr i will gain new knowledge
n important information!

haha.

Im just tired of being stuck n stagnant n everything in the past week has just been building up but waiting for tmr to come so that I can
Finally
get some answers.

n den we can get a move on things.

:p

wheeeeeeeeee..

(haha. overdramatizing things that arent actually that dramatic. :p
but drama is fun. :p)

I can not wait for exciting things to come!

(*wary wary*)

Sleepy as hell now.
nitey nite.

*cake!*

never never land

2008-07-20T22:03:00.003+08:00

Skyped for 54 minutes n 22 seconds.

:)

How fun when the world you live in allows you to make calls for free! :D
Even more amazing when the ppl you talk to are across oceans from you.

(Altho, if we all skyped at home, we could save on local calls as well! haha.. Hey! Why have i nvr thought of that. Considering i/we spent most of our time in front of the computers anyways. N many of the calls i used to be on with my friends (before they up n left me!!) were done while we were in front of the comps too. hah.)

Applying for visa online.

n on Section 5 - Immigration History

"Do you have any criminal convictions in any country
(including traffic offences)?"

oh. ****.

:p

"Have you ever‚ by any means or medium‚ expressed views that justify or glorify terrorist violence or that may encourage others to terrorist acts or other serious criminal acts?"

right. *looks around* must watch what i say from now on...

"Have you engaged in any other activities that might indicate that you may not be considered a person of good character?"

bwahahhahahahaaa! How do i even Answer this question!?

after darkness, comes dawn

2008-07-20T01:01:00.006+08:00

When the choice is between doing something,
n not doing something,
the thing is, not doing something only lasts until you do do something.

while once you do something,
its done.

not doing something,
is always at a greater disadvantage.
-

i watched the Dark Knight tonight

(i cried when they said silent guardian)

n i missed you.

Theres not a show i can watch

(not once can i sit there)

without missing you.

but you dont miss me. (like i do)

I want you to, but

Dont ask me,
if im free to catch a rat.

Dont tell me,
that my facts are right.

Pick up the phone
say,
Fleur, i'm sorry.

say it.

dont say it.

dont say it because you're not ready to do it all.

dont say it unless
(no buts, ifs, or maybes.
no unless.)
dont say it because you need to want to trudge thru all the sludge in the moat,
that which stinks n smells n will burden you n pull you down.
to want to go thru it all to reach the gates.
the gates the gates.

oh
dont let me open it up if you're not ready to do it.

"i want you to want to do the dishes"

or dont
because as always,
n den what?

dont
because,

i dont want to be 2nd class.
or 3rd or 4th or 5th..

i cant.

oh
so many negatives,
so familiar.

do it
because you should...
because i need you to.

n den what?

( if you do it...
oh, please dont let me go....
... )
(but i guess the thing is,
i know that you cant not let me go.)

do it
dont do it

i cant say.

-
time has passed.
i dont need to anymore.
but im doing it all the same.

because im weak that way.

All i can think of is you

but d'you know what im afraid of?
im afraid you'll tell me that you need to go to bed.

i'm afraid you'll tell me, 'sorry, i forgot.'

if not today,
den the next.

I'm sorry.
for the things I can not do.

for missing you.

P.S. i was yelling for reasons, 'why not?'.
n then i remembered why.
because i'd have to spend my days feeling like this.
hope. expectation. where they've no place being.

so i remembered.
so, no.

dont.

because hate is safer than love

2008-07-13T04:30:00.003+08:00

4 days later, let see what actually happened to the plans.

s'funny how time changes things?

after all the long nagging n yelling n making me decide on everything n set what day to see who, where, when, how n everything,
after what i said Should be, this is what was. :p

Wednesday, instead of lunch, the guy says we're meeting at 2, after he has this huge brunch. so, non-existent lunch den. :p but we had cake, several, and a movie.
Thursday, instead of outing n dinner, my friend calls in the morning n says we're changing to Lunch instead! or well.. not really lunch (there was no food involved) but an afternoon outing, no dinner. And another movie. :p Also, oh yea i forgot, breakfast in the morning got cancelled. :p
Friday, not too drastic changes but 12.30pm (after all the asking n asking n everyone waiting for me to Set a time! Hmff!) becomes past 1pm? Movie time changes. Oh n going back at 6pm becomes 7.30pm, where i den had family dinner outside pop up. :p
Saturday, lunch plans got pushed to Sunday, so i gotta rest before buffet dinner. (which had excellent cheese lobster btw..)

hah!
how amusing. :)

not that i mind all the changing though. coz hopefully after everyone changed everything, nex time they'd be more accepting with my fickleness. =P

Anyways, since lunch on Sat got pushed to Sun, n i have an appointment with mum on Mon, And Dear Pah wants to go out on Tues!
That wud mean that I wud be out one straight week! Weds to Tues. haha.

tiring tho.

Oh, n to add to my already long list of movies watched recently,
this week I watched, in chronological order,
Amazing Grace - which was really rather great! walked into the theatre with zero idea of what itd be about, because at that point, id watched every other decent movie, n we just picked one randomly. N it was cool on so many levels. In itself a great show, it was also fitting for both of us, for differing reasong :p, n also, it turned out that the day we watched it, was the last day it was screened. :) How great.
Journey to the Centre of the Earth - was actually a pretty Great show! Me Must watched 3d version!! *bawls* which there was a motion master! :p
Hancock - pretty great as well. :)

Seriously, i have pretty much exhausted all the movies showing!
before this was Incredible Hulk, Made of Honour, Get Smart, Nanny Diaries (which sucked!), Kungfu Panda, Wanted, Narnia..
really. all the decent shows gone. :D n journey n hancock, good new ones only just out, but accounted for edi. :p only things left that are watchable, if i have to force it wud be, war of the dragons, n hellboy, n only bcoz theyve only just come out.
but i dont think i will bcoz ive had too much movies la.. n there are a few more im looking forward to that shud be out in a bit. :)

Cake plans changed too.
didnt have excellent cake.
Weds - wasnt available. made up with Secret Recipe.
Thurs - didnt bother.
Fri - wasnt available again. made up with Secret Recipe. again. :p

---

finally? emo-ed today.

dont know why.

maybe its about time. theres been several weeks of up, bout time the cycle turned down?
or maybe its about the time of the month. not sure bout that yet.

but anyways.
emo-ed.

not a good feeling.

keep looking for ppl to talk to these days.

like, pick up n talk.

but anyways.

i got Breakfast at Tiffanys for him today, because you liked it,
..trying to remember which others i got for you from my head because i knew you'd like them.

accidentally found that Todays one said, hate is safer than love.

.
gonna go.

headache now.

gotta up tmr.
sigh.

thats where im going

2008-07-09T03:35:00.001+08:00

So.

I need you~
whos 'you'?
Yea.. thats the part i havent figured out yet.

[heres where i fell asleep again.. not a new thing that. :p]

i watched Narnia online today.
so yea, that means i shud show you guys this link, movierumor
spelt without an o bcoz its an american site. them n their lousy spelling. :p
it lets you stream (or watever the word is) movies online directly.
pretty cool u know..
dont expect the best quality la. but still, can save you the trouble of downloading. :p
(which is Also a newly acquired skill on my end! Yay! *feels so smart now*) :p
:)

oh yea anyways, like i was sayin.
watched narnia online today.
n den i was emo after it ended.
blehh.
haha..
coz its all like 'why cudnt it be like this?' 'why does it have to be this way?' kinda thing you know?
haha.
n some 'poor baby' moments too. which u all Know i just love. :p

Neways, den i moved on to continuing me Westwing again!
N i'll say now, I'll totally do Josh man. ahem.
coz, Sams cute n all but thats so bandwagony (n boring). which i hate.
n anyways Josh is my kinda cute ie. not Sam.
n Also he is all complicated n injured inside.
which, as i have said countless times before, is totally wat i dig so yea.
I'd do Josh man.

ahem.
(ok that totally sounds less weird in my head. :p:p)

[n here ones again ladies and gentleman, is where i fell asleep Yet again. :p Now if my blogging puts Myself to sleep.. It must be really exciting for all of you! :p which is good coz i intend to go on n on. (if, hopefully, i dont fall asleep again.)]

Anyways, as i was saying before getting cut off by falling asleep (several days have past now.. :p),
In the last episode i watched yesterday (yes its yesterday by now..), n i watched several one after another without even pausing bcoz the last few were pretty exciting. ahem. :p
anyways, in the last episode somebody died.
Boohoo sadsad.
His name was Simon (ohhoho! Lookie! i didnt realise his name was 'simon simon' u know. :p) n he was Hot. (ahaha! Maybe its something about that name.. maybe all Simons are hot.. infact, my first ever crush (when i was 9), was a Simon himself. n he was pretty cute back den. (or so i thought. now hes just like, normal.) :p)
Anyways, This Simon, was Hot. In My kinda way yum.
N he was a secret service agent. the nice n cute n cool kind.
n ofcourse he had just fallen in like with his charge, n as his charge was just discharged (haha) from under his charge (still with me here?) they had just shared a nice kiss with promise of more to come. hoho.
N den i was like, oh shit, hes gonna die. :p
n he did.
very sad u know very sad tsktsk.

Anewhees, enough of that nonsense.
I shall move on to more important things, so i can go back to watch the Next season of westwing. (i know its finished at 7, but im just at 4 now. :p)

Some weeks theres pretty much nothing.
n den we get this week where things suddenly go crazy.

Tmr is Wednesday n I have plans for lunch.
n on Thurs its Breakfast and dinner. (separate appointments)
n den Fri we have.. probably lunch and dinner, still under negotiations.
n lastly on Sat i have another lunch appoinment, before heading for my nephews bday at a certain hotels buffet. (hmmmmmmmm)

so. in 4 days i have to meet with
1 from up North
1 who came back from Aus
1 back from UK
1 from down South
and another 1 from well.. somewhere South but not quite as far down. =P
chronologically.

and initially the way things were going, i was to meet everyone, though separately, in the same place! Hah!
(just because its in the middle of the valley n is so convenient for everyone. ;))
but since the last ammendments of the plans, it seems, Thurs will take place in 2 other places (and not the middle of the valley) n possibly Fri as well.
N yet!
Tmr is a date to have cake/s (i think we're skipping lunch to binge on cakes :p), n since
Thurs we is going to the Other Awesome Cake place, we shall have that!, n if
Fri guy decides to have the Great Choc Cakes as well we shall be doing that, n on
Sat, since its a birthday, i wanted to have them try my special choc cake that i rave so much about but cant have everyone eat the same thing so we'll probably end up in secret recipe (i'll probably get the cakes from there that is) so once again! More cake!
And at night, as ive said since its the nephew bday!

MORE CAKE!

great.
unsarcastically.
I shall be a huge balloon, or maybe even get a coronary straight.
But pls may it be at the end of the week so i atleast get to enjoy 4 days of awesome cakes.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

diediediediediewithabiggrinonmyface.
:D

s'funny the way things work. :p

oh n i havent got any presents for the birthday people yet. damm.
Deathly Hallows paperback isnt out yet.
i was thinking of getting that for my friend since shes been hogging my Deathly Hallows for the past year n i havent gotten to read it a 2nd time yet! Arghhhhh! (hahahaha)

Btw, before i end i must say,
Manchester (the Uni) sucks goddammit.
ive just sent the same email to bout.. 5 different emails.
they pushed me to this!!! (:p)
i hope they dont blacklist me man.

Dam!

i also have a story bout me and commitment but its late (4.15am) n ive to get up not too late lunchdate, n also i wud like to get some westwing in before bed So!

heres gdnight n enjoy all your cakes!
:)

P.S. oh btw, my speakers have gone n fixed themselves (:p), tho it is possible that my bro did something that worked without knowin it. :p
neways been biding my time to see if it stays permanent, but anyways, have finally transfered all my songs (but ahhhhh wait. i have not told you yet! :p well.. basically.. lets just say) from over there to over here la. =P so now i have All me songs with me.
which is a cause to celebrate except having All of them, means if i really play All of them randomly.. i will at some point (n it wont take too long) end up with some song that i probably do like, but pisses me off too. :p Im very picky bout my music. :p (as well as everything else =p)

P.P.S. I am having a cold ie running nose, so i hope all the cake n choc wont turn my cold into a flu (ahem bwahaha) by like adding a sorethroat n idunnowhatelse la. =Ppp tho that Is scientifically/medically improbably la right. =Pppp

there is a reason why i wanna date someone else in the medical field la! =P Only us med students are crazy in our crazy way!!! =P

no no it isnt just me! :D

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I’m fallin
That’s where I’m goin
Where are you goin
Hold it close won’t let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won’t come back at all

P.P.P.S. ok i didnt mean for it to get this far but well, the cd im trying to play is not working for some reason. (dammit!) so i guess its as good a time as any to head to bed! (4.51am!) :p

also, i should note that, 3 of the 5 ppl i emailed are on leave. goddangdammit. pffft.
see someone already told me that the person i usually write to is on leave, but i sent anyways coz i heard theres someone there to take over. also, i found the alternative email which the take-over guy probably uses.
n den i send to 'someones' boss. which is when i get an automated reply to say 'boss' is not in please contact 'assistant' n so i send again to 'assistant' n den, guess what, i get an Automated reply from 'Assistant'! which says 'Assistant' is out n please contact 'assistants assistant'.
Wtf is the word man, Wtf.
hmm.

Pon and Zi

2008-07-05T04:08:00.007+08:00

Whats been going on?
...

Hey, look what i found.
Pon and Zi.
theyre a couple of emo cartoon characters and theyre cute as hell.
You really must go n have a look!

Effects best with emo personality.
(like me)
But semi emo ppl are able to appreciate it too. :)..

oni if you're all happy happy airy like some ppl i know (who are not here), then it wud be much harder to see whats so special bout this two fellas (apparently they're asexual hmm), n ud look at me all funny like i was weird or something.
Tho ofcourse some would argue that you dont have to be happy happy airy to look at me like i was weird.
some.
But, that aside, I think theyre awesome n beautiful so have a look n hopefully you can see the beauty in it too.
Do you go 'aww'?

Youtube over here for a quicker view.
tho i wud argue that for some of them you might need to look at them for a while before really getting it.
:)

This are a couple of my favourites..!! :)..

Pon is the yellow one n Zi is blue. (so you know atleast One reason why i love Pon. =) )
i thought Pon was the male n Zi the female but apparently theyre asexual. :p
no wonder it was hard to tell at some points.. :)

I Love this obviously, because Thats Me!
I'm Emo!
(just made it my desktop pic but doesnt look all that great back there.. :) )
n wont it be nice if someone would think that? (im interpreting it as a nice thing Zi is saying..)
(i have always been one to say that its awesome when ppl love someone for their apparent 'shortcomings')

poor Pons so sad... Thats me! the emo! :)
i also love that its 'ello'.. :)

This ones Awesome.. haha.. :)
Pon rocks!

n there're quite a few pretty cool lines that i can see some people i know turn around n use...

this one kinda tingled a nerve somewhere in me.. but didnt quite jar anything..
probably because while it is something that probably means alot to me in some way.. i couldnt immediately figure out how..
but then i figured its how this was something that was very important to me at one point, n i think i would have liked it more (not that i dont already) if it was an offer, as opposed to a request, to keep someone safe; 'i'll keep you safe while you sleep'.
But then, that it was Zi (who i thought was the girl) keeping Pon (the (not really) guy) safe.. that part was right..

n then i remembered how Ryan had said "stay in? so i know you're safe?".. n the way he said it too.. n how that was one of my favourite parts of the show. (OC)
tho the reason stems from above.

N thus, (because 4 is really too many n if i dont stop, the whole collection would be here..), we shall end with..

:)..

Oh yes. There really are alot of lines there you could learn..

many times before

2008-07-03T05:05:00.003+08:00

I am thinking... =/..

:(

sigh..

Somethings wrong with my speakers.
They suddenly stopped working without headphones.
Wtf.
One minute they were working n the next...
Argh.

I f*cking love my music man.
sry bout the swearing but i really love it that damn much right now.
n i think in the quest for figuring out wats wrong with my speakers,
i might have inadvertently turned up my bass.
n its pretty dam awesome now.
(either that or bcoz this is probably the first time ive started listening to this list with earphones n therefore am only just able to appreciate the finer nuances. :p..)

Im thinking... :(
i really.. dont really know.. :(

i wanna be casual n ask you about Jordan.

but, really, can I?

.......

(n den what?....)

Watching Wanted tomorrow.
but.. :(...

sigh..

i told him that i wasnt too comfortable with things because of you.

but inside i was thinking that it was actually because of him.

n den now ive realised..
in a way.. maybe it is about you.

can you believe that you still own it?

that i still let you own it.

=(...

four or five options.

the one i really want, is the one i dont want.

i dont know how or why or what.

its not because you did anything wrong.
not in the last round atleast...

its the whole story.
the old story.
the big picture....

(n the big question (n then what?..),
n the old question,
n all the questions.....)

sigh...

i wish you could hear my songs..
n my heart.

(theres something wrong with my speakers. :( )

time passes by

2008-06-29T14:50:00.005+08:00

So, ive been staring at this draft for.. 3 days now..
(eventho it says Sunday 29 June, it is actually right now, Tuesday, 1st of July) its been kinda hard to complete la bcoz well, i started it a few hours after my last post right.. n at first it was angry.. hence,

HAH!

HAR HAR HAR!!!

HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Well.

That shows me doesnt it.

Can i go back to being mean again?

:p

N den, two minutes in,
i realised i wasnt really Angry anymore but well..
you'll see.

aiyah

i knew this wud happen la.

i knew that i cant be nice bcoz everytime i am, something will happen n i'll regret it.

But this was much faster,

n with a much bigger reason than i thought la.

hah.

oh well.

im not sure i really care la.

(fine, i probably do.)

but really.

im not even angry/upset d la.

i am just sienness n pisted.

not pissed.

pisted.

i dunno what it means but it sounds fun.

yay.

la-di-da.

(do you understand what four minds means now?)

heh.

ANEWeeees.

N at this point i stopped, went back home (i was out)
n had alot of things to say..

well, back to my flirting then.
Mr. Offline, n Mr. wants-to-get-in-my-pants are waiting.

so what if he only wants to get in my pants?

Am i glad ive got my own room
n haha
my new baby, whos been with me.. what.. 3 weeks now..?
n is the biggest reason why im even Sane right now! n why the days are bearable man. bcoz my baby allows me to BE in my room! Muahahahhaaa..
i Was supposed to post up pics but ofcoz, me being me.. tsk tsk.. they're all in the camera, waiting for me to do something bout it.
haha.

n see how crazy i am (more than usual la) when i get to dictate my own life!?
I didnt even sleep last night. (or anytime in the morning la, which is my night. :p)
Went to sleep at 11am. Woken up at 11.30 to go off n work. Pfft!
So its 4.20pm now n i ought to slp huh.
oh well.

N this is where i promptly fell asleep. :p

n this is what i'll say today.
--->

im not completely satisfied with what i have up there. but i'll leave it..

N because this is what they say about me (among many other things :p)
"Indecisiveness is your biggest drawback. It is a trait that often leads to delays; you spend an inordinate amount of time weighing up the pros and cons. You are most apt to postpone difficult decisions for as long as possible than face unsavoury situations."

they are quite correct ofcourse.
for the past few days, while i have seriously had this page open in one of my tabs,
mostly bcoz i cant decide what to say, or whether to blog or to watch my most excellent show, i end up hitting 'play again' over n over, on this really lame yahoo game i have been playing (which, tho lame, incidentally says 'Excellent' everytime i score well, so it is a most fitting game for me indeed!). :p
the diplomatic choice ofcourse.
the one that is neither of the two you are considering. =P
Just to simplify matters.

haha.

and this is not the first nor only time i have made choices like this in my life either. :p

i am telling you la, (not that it is related), but if ever i were faced with two guys that i had to pick between, i'll probably end up choosing a life of celibacy.
ahem.
haha.. ok no, wait.. thats not true..
s'happened twice before n thats not what i did..
haha..

but it is highly possible. :p

Anyways.
i digressed.

back to the matter at hand.

whatever man.
i am glad la.
bcoz ive realised that
i am pretty happy here la. :)

n atleast it has brought me back to some sorta, what has been referred to as Simon-mode.
(hahahaha.. :p)
but actually it is not really Simon-mode for me,
just me getting along pretty fine now.
:)

i dunno,
its like i dont even know you anymore.
n i dunno why im saying that bcoz i can understand everything that is going on.
but, its like i dont know who you are anymore.

hah.

[P.S. it is actually now, Wednesday, 2nd July, not because i delayed further but bcoz after i was done with everything above, blogger went n konked on my n i cudnt post! N i cudnt log into or open Any blogger site the whole day after that! Pfffft! But everything else is accurate. :p]